Tears Born in Pain…Filled with Hope: The 9th of Av Story Behind the Painting

It was two years ago during the nine days of Av. I had the picture vision in my head and sketched it out. It was a rough sketch–more about getting emotions out than making a pretty picture–but somehow I knew it was a message from God. A truth He had been speaking to my heart. 

Just a month and a half earlier, I had experienced a late-term miscarriage. I was eighteen weeks along, to be exact. It landed me in the hospital hemorrhaging with dangerously low hemoglobin levels, but more heartbreaking was that it was another baby I would not get to meet on this side of the Kingdom. 

This all happened only months after losing a dear friend to cancer who lived in our community. She was someone I had looked up to, but now was gone. 

Like many of us in this fallen world, I was dealing with the pain of an unredeemed world. I was wrestling with the “whys” and the “what ifs.” But as God always does, He leads us gently in these moments and tends our hearts to follow Him closely. It was in this season that God birthed this picture, and this year, in the same season of the nine days, I felt the desire to finish it. 

Through the painting and its message, God spoke powerfully to me. I wanted to share it with you because we have all experienced pain and wept tears that collectively fill a pool of tears born from that pain. 

I grew up in a traditional Christian home, raised on conservative biblical values. All of which I am thankful and grateful for. I accepted Yeshua as my Savior at around 4 years old in the kitchen with my mom as she bent down to pray with me while pausing from sweeping the floor. I know for sure I didn’t understand what all that entailed, but it was a very real moment for me.

Being raised in a Pentecostal, Charismatic movement, I have seen some miraculous things: prayers answered, some pain averted. But I also saw a lot of pain. Loved ones dying, people struggling and experiencing hardships. For a long time, I wondered, what did those people who experienced the miracles have? How did they tap into the miraculous? 

When I came to Israel, I saw a collective people continuing a story filled with pain and the miraculous mixed together. In one moment, I couldn’t deny the hand of God as I watched thousand-year-old prophecies being rolled out in front of me. Wars were being won against all odds, and pioneers full of faith were playing an active role in the redemptive story. But then, I also couldn’t deny the hard facts of the pain: little children killed in ramming attacks, or two brothers shot dead in their car just going to learn Torah. 

God taught me not to run away from the pain, to feel it deeply, even embracing the tears rolling down. Because without those tears born in pain, what would we be hoping for? 

The nine days of Av and the 9th of Av are reminders of this reality.

We are mourning the destruction of the Temple, God’s dwelling on earth. But we’re not just mourning the “what-were’s.” We are also yearning for the “what-will-be’s.” The time of the redemption. The building of the 3rd Temple, the restoration complete. And the coming Messianic Age. 

You see, if this world were perfect, with no consequences for its fallenness, what would we be yearning for? Would we be living every moment calling for the Messiah to come? Would we be looking for the redemption of the world? Would we want the Temple to be rebuilt? Probably not with much vigor. 

But now, each tear from each pain of this world can be filled with the hope of the coming Kingdom, the Temple of God rebuilt, and the Messianic Age where there are no more tears. And yes, God does give us those miracles, a taste of the Kingdom to come, full of His grace. 

So this 9th of Av, I don’t know what pain you are experiencing, but my prayer is that those tears are filled with His hope of the coming Kingdom to Israel. That even in the most painful moments, our pool of tears will bring forth life in our most dry lands–like the mountains of Israel springing forth with life and the dawning of the Restoration on the horizon. 

So please, cry and mourn on this 9th of Av. But cry for the loss we have right now, anticipating what will be.